Coach Janky Spanky

Todd Archer, from the Dallas Morning News, reports Jason Witten caught 94 passes last year for 1,030 yards and went to another Pro Bowl. But if there's a number the Cowboys want to see increase it is touchdown catches. Red zone production has been a big part of the Cowboys' off-season emphasis. They were not as productive in the red zone as they have been in the past and some of that was because Witten was not a big part of it. Coach Wade Phillips said the approach will be a bit different in the red zone offensively this year. "I think Witten comes to mind more than anybody," Phillips said. "We had been getting it to him in the red zone and we didn't do it as quite as much as last year. We shouldn't have gotten away from that."

More positive reports coming out about DHB. Heyward-Bey is big and fast, but had trouble with drops and route running last year when he was a rookie. Now it looks as though he's developing into an up and coming weapon for the Raiders. His chemistry with Jason Campbell is reportedly very good, and he could be a value play in fantasy leagues when you need wide receiver depth.

Unrestricted free-agent QB Daunte Culpepper (Lions) has signed with the Sacramento Mountain Lions of the United Football League, reports Aaron Wilson, of NationalFootballPost.com. Terms of the contract were not disclosed.

John DeShazier, from the New Orleans Times-Picayune, reports now that Mike Bell's gone there's an opening for a late-game sledgehammer. Someone to pound away at defenses in the fourth quarter as the Saints look to bleed dry the game clock while protecting their lead. Lynell Hamilton (6 feet, 235 pounds) doesn't need to submit a resume. The Saints already know his work and seem satisfied with his job performance. Granted, it was a brief audition -- 35 carries for 125 yards and two touchdowns in the regular season, and six carries for 22 yards and a score in the playoffs. But no one should know better what Hamilton can do, and is capable of, than the Saints. "We've seen him now for two seasons, and we've seen him in preseason games and in some critical spots a year ago -- at Buffalo (during the regular season, when he ran five times for 24 yards and a touchdown). Throughout the year, he's handled the ball, and we've really not hesitated putting him in short-yardage or putting him in goal-line, and we do have a confidence level in what he can do, " Saints Coach Sean Payton said.

Tom Kowalski, from MLive.com, reports rookie RB Jahvid Best is going to be Detroit's starting running back on opening day, there's no debate about that. What has yet to be determined, though, is how long he's going to be staying in the games. While his 5-foot-10, 200-pound frame would suggest that he'll need to be in some sort of rotation to stay fresh, head coach Jim Schwartz isn't going into this with any preconceived notions. Actually, that's not true. Schwartz does have an idea of what he's looking for - what Chris Johnson has given the Titans over the last couple of years. When Johnson was drafted -- and Schwartz was in Tennessee at the time -- it was believed the 185-pound Johnson couldn't handle a large workload. That has proven to be false and Schwartz hopes Best can prove the same thing in Detroit.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU: “Oakland Raiders QB Jason Campbell has quickly picked up the team's offensive scheme, according to the Contra Costa Times. 'It just goes to show you the type of guy he is and the type of hard worker and studier he is,' OT Mario Henderson said.”

CBSSports.com reports Texans WR Kevin Walter has dazzled the coaching staff with his downfield speed during their most recent OTAs. After passing on signing with the Ravens this offseason, Walter re-signed with the Texans and finds himself in a battle this offseason with speedster Jacoby Jones for the starting job opposite Andre Johnson. "I don't know how, but he has," wide receivers coach Larry Kirksey said when asked about how Walter has improved his speed. "He's playing fast -- that's Kevin though. He's going to work on anything to get an advantage on a defender."

Detroit Lions TE Tony Scheffler (knee) participated in practice this week, and head coach Jim Schwartz said Scheffler has looked very sharp during drills, reports Tom Kowalski, of MLive.com.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Scheffler will play a Dallas Clark-esque role in this offseason, so he is very underrated in fantasy leagues right now. We know he has the good hands and athleticism to be a great threat in the passing game, now he'll get a chance to show it after a 2009 season that saw him spend a lot of time on the sidelines.

Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini said he is open to the possibility of starting FS T.J. Ward and FS Larry Asante at safety this season, reports Aaron Wilson, of NationalFootballPost.com. “AHAHAHAHAHA START EVERYONE AGAINST THEM”

Chris Brown, from BuffaloBills.com, reports C.J. Spiller got some of his first offensive reps split wide instead of in the offensive backfield. He had one reception as a receiver in Wednesday's practice when he was matched up on a linebacker.

THE JANITOR: Rich Tandler, from CSNWashington.com, notes as Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson, and Willie Parker are likely to get minimal work in the preseason, Ryan Torain will get a lot of chances to show what he can do. Rookie free agent Keiland Williams should also get a decent workload during camp and in the preseason. He gained 1,699 yards and scored 17 touchdowns as a reserve running back at LSU.

Rich Tandler, from CSNWashington.com, notes that to a few observers at minicamp it looked like Willie Parker did not have much burst in his game. He probably looks a lot like he did the last two years in Pittsburgh when he averaged 3.8 yards a carry. Since Parker is not a power runner by any means, and since he doesn't play special teams, it's difficult to envision him sticking around unless he, literally, gets back up to speed.

Washington Redskins TE Chris Cooley has lined up on the outside at times during offseason workouts, reports Rick Maese, of The Washington Post.

LT
1. Ryan Clady (Broncos) 0.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
2. Michael Roos (Titans) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
3. Tra Thomas (Eagles) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
3. Orlando Pace (Rams) 2.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
5. Jake Long (Dolphins) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
6. Jordan Gross (Panthers) 3.0 sacks allowed (15 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
6. Jammal Brown (Saints) 3.0 sacks allowed (15 starts)
6. Jared Gaither (Ravens) 3.0 sacks allowed (15 starts)
6. Marcus McNeill (Chargers) 3.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
6. Tony Ugoh (Colts) 3.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
6. Chris Samuels (Redskins) 3.0 sacks allowed (12 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
6. Todd Weiner (Falcons) 3.0 sacks allowed (11 starts)
13. Walter Jones (Seahawks) 3.5 sacks allowed (12 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
14. D’Brickashaw Ferguson (Jets) 4.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
14. Bryant McKinnie (Vikings) 4.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
14. Max Starks (Steelers) 4.0 sacks allowed (11 starts)
17. Joe Thomas (Browns) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
17. Branden Albert (Cheifs) 4.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
19. Levi Brown (Bengals) 5.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
20. Mike Gandy (Cardinals) 6.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
21. David Diehl (Giants) 6.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
22. Flozell Adams (Cowboys) 7.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
23. Khalif Barnes (Jags) 7.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
23. Matt Light (Pats) 7.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
23. Chad Clifton (Packers) 7.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
23. Kwame Harris (Raiders) 7.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
27. Joe Staley (49ers) 8.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
28. Donald Penn (Bucs) 8.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
29. Jeff Backus (Lions) 9.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
30. John St. Clair (Bears) 9.75 sacks allowed (16 starts)
31. Duane Brown (Texans) 11.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
31. Jason Peters (Bills) 11.5 sacks allowed (13 starts) *PRO-BOWL*

LG
1. Kris Dielman (Chargers) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
1. Charlie Johnson (Colts) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. David Baas (49ers) 0 sacks allowed (9 starts)
4. Carl Nicks (Saints) 0.5 sacks allowed (13 starts)
5. Todd Herremans (Eagles) 0.75 sacks allowed (15 starts)
6. Brian Waters (Chiefs) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
7. Josh Beekman (Bears) 1.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
8. Robert Gallery (Raiders) 1.75 sacks allowed (16 starts)
8. Reggie Wells (Cardinals) 1.75 sacks allowed (16 starts)
10. Eugene Amano (Titans) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
10. Chris Chester (Ravens) 2.0 sacks allowed (11 starts)
12. Chester Pitts (Texans) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
12. Ben Hamilton (Broncos) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
12. Travelle Wharton (Panthers) 2.5 sacks allowed (14 starts)
12. Jacob Bell (Rams) 2.5 sacks allowed (13 starts)
12. Jeff Smiley (Dolphins) 2.5 sacks allowed (12 starts)
17. Rich Seubert (Giants) 3.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
17. Pete Kendall (Redskins) 3.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
17. Justin Blalock (Falcons) 3.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
27. Eric Steinbach (Browns) 3.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
21. Floyd Womack (Seahawks) 3.5 sacks allowed (14 starts)
22. Edwin Mulitalo (Lions) 4.25 sacks allowed (11 starts)
23. Arron Sears (Bucs) 4.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
23. Uche Nwaneri (Jags) 4.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
23. Cory Procter (Cowboys) 4.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
26. Logan Mankins (Pats) 5.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
26. Andrew Whitworth (Bengals) 5.0 sacks allowed (10 starts)
28. Daryn Colledge (Packers) 6.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
29. Steve Hutchinson (Vikings) 7.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
29. Alan Faneca (Jets) 7.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
31. Chris Kemoeatu (Steelers) 7.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
32. Derrick Dockery (Bills) 8.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)

C
1. Olin Kreutz (Bears) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. Todd McClure (Falcons) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. Chris Myers (Texans) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. Kevin Mawae (Titans) 0 sacks allowed (15 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
1. Ryan Kalil (Panthers) 0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
6. Brad Meester (Jags) 0.25 sacks allowed (10 starts)
7. Lyle Sendlein (Cardinals) 0.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
8. Duke Preston (Bills) 0.75 sacks allowed (11 starts)
9. Casey Wiegmann (Broncos) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
9. Jeff Faine (Bucs) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
9. Jonathan Goodwin (Saints) 1.0 sacks allowed (13 starts)
12. Nick Mangold (Jets) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
12. Andre Gurode (Cowboys) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
12. Shaun O’Hara (Giants) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
12. Matt Birk (Vikings) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
12. Jeff Saturday (Colts) 2.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
12. Dominic Raiola (Lions) 2.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
12. Nick Leckey (Rams) 2.0 sacks allowed (10 starts)
19. Jason Brown (Ravens) 2.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
19. Jamaal Jackson (Eagles) 2.25 sacks allowed (16 starts)
21. Hank Fraley (Browns) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
21. Nick Hardwick (Chargers) 2.5 sacks allowed (13 starts)
21. Jake Grove (Raiders) 2.5 sacks allowed (12 starts)
21. Chris Spencer (Seahawks) 2.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
25. Rudy Niswanger (Chiefs) 3.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
25. Scott Wells (Packers) 3.5 sacks allowed (13 starts)
27. Eric Heitmann (49ers) 4.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
27. Eric Ghaiciuc (Bengals) 4.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
29. Samson Satele (Dolphins) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
29. Dan Koppen (Pats) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
31. Casey Rabach (Redskins) 5.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
32. Justin Harwig (Steelers) 6.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)

RG
1. Chris Kuper (Broncos) 0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
2. Jake Scott (Titans) 0.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
2. Max Jean-Gilles (Eagles) 0.5 sacks allowed (10 starts)
4. Chris Snee (Giants) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)*PRO-BOWL*
4. Harvey Dahl (Falcons) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
4. Jason Spitz (Packers) 1.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
4. Ikechuku Ndukwe (Dolphins) 1.0 sacks allowed (15 starts)
4. Brad Butler (Bills) 1.0 sacks allowed (13 starts)
4. Davin Joseph (Bucs) 1.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
4. Adrian Jones (Chiefs) 1.0 sacks allowed (10 starts)
11. Rex Hadnot (Browns) 1.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
12. Deuce Lutui (Cardinals) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
12. Brandon Moore (Jets) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
12. Mike Brisiel (Texans) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) …ERFA
12. Jahri Evans (Saints) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts) …RFA
12. Mike Pollak (Colts) 2.0 sacks allowed (13 starts)
12. Stephen Neal (Pats) 2.0 sacks allowed (9 starts)
18. Roberto Garza (Bears) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
19. Randy Thomas (Redskins) 4.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
19. Robbie Williams (Bengals) 4.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
19. Cooper Carlisle (Raiders) 4.0 sacks allowed (15 starts)
19. Stephen Peterman (Lions) 4.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
19. Tony Wragge (49ers) 4.0 sacks allowed (10 starts) …RFA
24. Leonard Davis (Cowboys) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts) *PRO-BOWL*
24. Mike Goff (Chargers) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
26. Darnell Stapleton (Steelers) 5.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
27. Ben Grubbs (Ravens) 6.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
27. Richie Incognito (Rams) 6.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
29. Dennis Norman (Jags) 7.25 sacks allowed (14 starts)
30. Anthony Herrera (Vikings) 7.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)

RT
1. Ryan Diem (Colts) 1.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. Jon Stinchcomb (Saints) 1.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
1. Ray Willis (Seahawks) 1.5 sacks allowed (10 starts)
4. David Stewart (Titans) 2.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
4. Mark Tauscher (Packers) 2.0 sacks allowed (13 starts)
6. Ryan Harris (Broncos) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
6. Tyson Clabo (Falcons) 2.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
8. Langston Walker (Bills) 3.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
8. Nick Kaczur (Pats) 3.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
10. Willie Anderson (Ravens) 3.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
11. Kareem McKenzie (Giants) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
11. Vernon Carey (Dolphins) 4.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
11. Kevin Shaffer (Browns) 4.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
14. Jeff Otah (Panthers) 5.0 sacks allowed (12 starts)
15. Tony Pashos (Jags) 5.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
15. Marc Colombo (Cowboys) 5.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
17. Willie Colon (Steelers) 5.75 sacks allowed (16 starts) …RFA
18. John Tait (Bears) 6.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
18. Jeremy Trueblood (Bucs) 6.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
18. Ryan Cook (Vikings) 6.0 sacks allowed (14 starts)
18. Gosder Cherilus (Lions) 6.0 sacks allowed (13 starts)
22. Damien Woody (Jets) 6.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
22. Jeromey Clary (Chargers) 6.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
22. Jon Jansen (Redskins) 6.5 sacks allowed (11 starts)
25. Jon Runyan (Eagles) 7.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
25. Damion McIntosh (Chiefs) 7.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
27. Cornell Green (Raiders) 7.5 sacks allowed (16 starts)
27. Alex Barron (Rams) 7.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
29. Eric Winston (Texans) 8.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)
30. Stacy Andrews (Bengals) 9.5 sacks allowed (15 starts)
31. Adam Snyder (49ers) 9.5 sacks allowed (13 starts)
32. Levi Brown (Cardinals) 11.0 sacks allowed (16 starts)

Season 2 Team Stats
EDITED: 3/15/9
Team Name	Wins	Losses	Draws	CMP's	INT's	TD's	CAS	xTD's	PTS
Nezumi Vengeance	2	0	0	1	2	5	4*	2	4
Woodland Scourge	2	0	0	4	2	6	3	3	4
Mumra's Maulers	1	1	0	0	0	1	4	2*	2
Traveling Tea Party	0	3	0	4	0	3	6	8	0
Mayhem Hammers	0	1	0	0	0	1	1	2	0

Hello childrens, what the hell do I have to look forward to in these 7 depressing stupid months?

Feb. 18-24—NFL scouting combine, Indianapolis.

Feb. 19—Deadline for clubs to designate franchise and transition players.

Feb. 27—Free agency begins; trading period begins.

March 22-25—Annual owners meeting, Dana Point, Calif.

April 17—Signing period ends for restricted free agents.

April 24—Deadline for old club to exercise right of first refusal to restricted free agents.

April 25-26—NFL draft, New York.

May 18-20—Spring meeting, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

June 1—Deadline for old clubs to send tender to unsigned unrestricted free agents to receive exclusive negotiating rights for rest of season if player is not signed by another club by July 22. Deadline for old clubs to send tender to unsigned restricted free agents or to extend qualifying offer to retain exclusive negotiating rights.

June 15—Deadline for old clubs to withdraw original qualifying offer to unsigned restricted free agents and still retain exclusive negotiating rights by substituting tender of 110 percent of previous years salary.

July 22—— Signing period ends at 4 p.m. EDT for unrestricted free agents who received June 1 tender.

Aug. 9—Pro Football Hall of Fame Game, Canton, Ohio.

Aug. 13-17—First preseason weekend.

Sept. 1—Roster cutdown to maximum of 75 players.

Sept. 5—Roster cutdown to maximum of 53 players.

Sept. 10—Season opener.

OH MAN

32. Chicago Bears 105-149-2 .410 ( 9--7-0)
31. Minnesota Vikings 107-148-1 .420 (10--6-0)
30. Green Bay Packers 109-146-1 .428 ( 6-10-0)
29. Pittsburgh Steelers 110-144-2 .435 (12--4-0)
28. Baltimore Ravens 111-143-2 .438 (11--5-0)
27. Arizona Cardinals 113-143-0 .441 ( 9--7-0)
26. San Francisco 49ers 113-142-1 .443 ( 7--9-0)
25. Cleveland Browns 114-140-2 .449 ( 4-10-0)
24. Seattle Seahawks 117-139-0 .457 ( 4-12-0)
23. St. Louis Rams 119-137-0 .465 ( 4-12-0)
22. Detroit Lions 119-136-1 .467 ( 0-16-0)
21. Cincinatti Bengals 121-135-0 .473 ( 4-10-1)
20. Oakland Raiders 122-132-2 .480 ( 5-11-0)
19. Denver Broncos 122-132-2 .480 ( 8--8-0)
18. Kansas City Chiefs 123-131-2 .484 ( 2-14-0)
17. San Diego Chargers 123-131-2 .484 ( 8--8-0)
16. Washington Redskins 125-129-2 .492 ( 8--8-0)
15. Houston Texans 129-126-1 .506 ( 8--8-0)
14. Tennessee Titans 130-126-0 .508 (13--3-0)
13. Indianapolis Colts 131-125-0 .512 (12--4-0)
12. Dallas Cowboys 131-123-2 .516 ( 9--7-0)
11. Jacksonville Jaguars 132-124-0 .516 ( 5-11-0)
10. New York Giants 134-120-2 .527 (12--4-0)
9. Philadelphia Eagles 137-119-0 .535 ( 9--6-1)
8. Carolina Panthers 138-117-1 .539 (12--4-0)
7. New Orleans Saints 142-113-1 .555 ( 8--8-0)
6. New York Jets 145-110-1 .566 ( 9--7-0)
5. Buffalo Bills 146-110-0 .570 ( 7--9-0)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 148-107-1 .578 ( 9--7-0)
3. Atlanta Falcons 150-105-1 .586 (11--5-0)
2. New England Patriots 151-105-0 .590 (11--5-0)
1. Miami Dolphins 152-104-0 .594 (11--5-0)

I was browsing around the internet, and saw this pretty thing. Wr's ability vs age. time to find some 27 year old bitches.

Pro Football Reference Blog

21 43.6
22 61.1
23 75.0
24 85.5
25 93.0
26 97.7
27 99.9
28 100.0
29 98.2
30 94.9
31 90.3
32 84.8
33 78.6
34 72.0
35 65.4
36 59.0
37 53.1
38 48.1
39 44.3
40 41.8
41 41.2
42 39.2

The fat white guy theorem, is proven science invented by me and proven in the annals of something or other. Basically, fat white guys = $$$

Football's Future

KFFL

Lions quest: 0-16

Many websites have already started on this lovely cause for celebration. I mean who does not want this AWESOME shirt.

Let us instead here go back to a manly man of manlyness. John McCay, coach of the 0-14 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He is now know by stupid young children as myself as a quote machine, so here are some of the best I can round up on these here intertubes:

USC:
"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."

Why is O.J. Simpson carrying the ball so much?
"Why not? It isn't very heavy. Besides, he doesn't belong to a union."

Asked if Notre Dame was the team he most liked to play:
"Well, it certainly wasn't Idaho."

On recruiting his son, John (J.K.):
"I had a rather distinct advantage. I slept with his mother."

One of the players had been receiving death threats during training camp. Upon being asked by a reporter if the threats were having an impact on the player's practice performance, McKay quipped, "Yeah, he seems to be running a little faster now."

Tampa Bay:

Asked about his team's execution after a defeat while coaching the Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
"I think it's a good idea."

"I really don't have a lot of answers for the offense. We just don't seem to have anybody fast and we don't seem to be able to block anybody."
- September 19, 1976 (Following a 23-0 lloss to Houston)

"They were absolutely horrible and that's the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad. These people are not poorly paid, you know."
- October 31, 1976 (After a 28-19 loss to Kansas City)

"We played a horse manure game."
- September 18, 1977 (Following a 13-3 lloss at Philadelphia)

"We couldn't score against a strong wind."
- November 6, 1977 (After a 10-0 loss too Los Angeles Rams)

"Our offensive line was horrible. Therefore our strategy was the same. I was betting some of our 6-6, 250 pound linemen would block somebody. That's what they get paid to do."
- November 27, 1977 (Following 17-0 losss to Atlanta)

"I thought it was the greatest victory in the history of the world."
- December 11, 1977 (After Bucs posted tthe team's first victory, 33-14 at New Orleans, after 26 straight defeats)

"I'm going to go home, take a shower and tell myself what a great coach I am. Fifteen more and we'll tie the record for most consecutive wins."
- December 18, 1977 (After Bucs won secoond straight game after 26 consecutive defeats)

"We stunk. We blocked bad, we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me, we ran on the field fairly well."
- November 25, 1979 (After 23-22 loss too Minnesota)

"It's not heavy."
- December 29, 1979 (When asked about Ricky Bell carrying the ball a playoff record 38 times)

"We set Monday Night Football back 2,000 years."
- October 6, 1980 (After the team lost iits first appearance on Monday Night Football)

"We almost got rigor mortis watching them move up and down the field."
-November 8, 1981 (After a 25-10 loss too Minnesota)

"We got another heart check and we got a gut check today. We had some funny plays out there. I believe I am oldest coach in this league. I was 29 when the season started."
- January 1, 1983 (After a 26-23 overtimme victory over Chicago)

"The defense played like a good National Football League team. The offense played like Piskey High School. That's in West Virginia, I don't know how to spell it. Here's how you yell it 'Piskey, Piskey.'"
- September 1, 1983 (After a 11-0 loss tto Detroit)

"Jerry's a nice kid. But so's my wife. And she's no quarterback."
- September 11, 1983 (Speaking of QB Jerrry Golsteyn after a 17-10 loss to Chicago)

"It will be good to go on the road. I think the fans have seen enough of us."
- October 23, 1983 (Following a 24-21 looss to the Saints)

"Based on today, none of our players are going to the Hall of Fame. But then again, neither am I."
- November 20, 1983 (After a 27-0 loss tto Chicago)

"Capece is kaput. There will be no more field goals kicked by the Bucs this year, no matter what the score is. I'm tired of being crucified."
- December 19, 1983 (After a poor perforrmance by place kicker Bill Capece in a 12-9 overtime loss to the Packers)


On the significance of experience: ``If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important.''

On fan mail he received as a Tampa Bay coach: ``It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB. But there were a lot of ones.''

On why coaching an expansion team is a religious experience: ``You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is `No.' ''

On his disdain for the Packers: ``If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay.''

On opening days: ``Opening games make me nervous. To tell the truth, I'd rather open with our second game.''

On training camp: ``It's shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lose your desire to stand around and eat steaks, you lose everything.''

After his Tampa Bay team broke its 26-game losing streak:
"Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."

On how coaching an expansion team is a religious experience: "You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is 'no.' "

"If a contest had ninety-seven prizes, the ninety-eighth would be a trip to Green Bay."

On his team's blocking strategy: "Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road."

"Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place."

On an interception thrown by Steve DeBerg in 1984 that cost the Bucs a game against the Giants - "It was thrown to nobody. Well, it was thrown to somebody, Harry Carson. But he happened to be playing for the New York Giants at the time. It would have been a good pass if Harry had been playing for us."

After a particularly heavy loss - "The bus leaves in an hour - anyone who needs a shower, take one."

On losing a key game - "I told our players that there were 700 million Chinese people in the world who didn't even know the game was played. The next week, I got five letters from China asking "What happened?"

On hearing how Buc kicker Pete Rajecki was nervous about McKay watching him in the 1976 pre-season - "That's unfortuntate as I plan on attending all the games."

At a post-game press conference in 1976 "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas."

The following week after a media member has dropped off a case of bananas at his door - "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedez-Benz."



Fan IQ
USCtrojans.cstv
Crazy Geocities Page
Buc Power

Even Millen wears a bag.

NO I DO NOT THINK CUTLER OR RIVERS ARE FOR REAL.

ISNANITY?

Running back Frank Gore is lining up in the slot. Receiver Ashley Lelie is running reverses. New receivers Isaac Bruce and Bryant Johnson are moving faster and catching more passes than just about anybody who played that position for the NFL's worst offense in the last three years.

"Practicing right now, I like it," said Gore, also the 49ers' receptions leader in each of the last two seasons. "We're spreading the ball around, and hopefully this year we won't see eight, nine men in the box every play. I think I'll get used in the passing game, too. I want to show I can do it all - run, catch, block. People think I'm just a running back."

HAIL GLORIOUS QB LEADER

Smith did look more fundamentally sound and said that he's trying to rid himself of bad throwing habits. He said that Martz is focusing on how he holds the ball, his eyes, his posture and footwork. "All that stuff is getting coached," Smith said. Smith's dad, Doug, a former high school football coach told Mike Silver of Yahoo that Alex was never taught the fundamentals since he's been with the 49ers.

AWESOME COACHING JOB THERE.

WOOT

Martz spent the last two seasons as Detroit's offensive coordinator under coach Rod Marinelli. The Lions started out well in 2007 at 6-2 but then lost seven of their last eight games. With a lousy defense, the Lions had to throw the ball to try to keep pace and Martz's reputation as a pass-happy madman only grew.

"I come from a team that was 32nd in defense," Martz said of the Lions. "People ask why we threw the ball so much. Now we can come in and play 'normal' football and have patience. At Detroit, we couldn't do that. You look up at the scoreboard and you're down 21-0 at the end of the first quarter."

...

While the 49ers' Frank Gore is not an exact fit in the Faulk mold, he's close. The two backs are of similar size and both are excellent receivers as well as runners.

"He has that type of multiplicity, if you will," Martz said of Gore. "He's a very unselfish player. He's a better pass-blocker than Marshall was. He has excellent receiving skills. He's a guy you can pound without worrying if he'll hold up."


...
"Mike Martz is hopeful he can build an offense around Frank Gore the way he did Marshall Faulk with the Rams. "

THANK YOU, OH GOD, MAKE THE PAIN STOP

BY THE MIDNIGHT SEA...

2007 Red zone targets

Driver 17 for 2 TD's
Jones 11 for 0 TD's
Jennings 11 for 6 TD's

HRM....

HURRR - Yahoo

13. Houston Texans (8-8) – There wasn’t much noise in the offseason, so improvement will have to come from a lot of the talented younger players who made strides down the stretch. But free agent pickup Chris Brown could be a very, very good player in this zone blocking scheme.

You mean, not smoke weed, have 9 kids, and get replaced by SELVIN YOUNG PROFESSIONAL JANITOR?

O-LINES are the Secret of Monkey Island. This took 2 hours Brandon, I will stab you if you don't like it.

Arizona Cardinals (CAP FUCKED)
Bryant Johnson WR (UFA)

Atlanta Falcons
Morten Andersen K (UFA- Old, not resigned)
Alge Crumpler TE (Released)
Warrick Dunn RB (Released)
Joey Harrington QB (Set free to frame and injure another QB)
Byron Leftwich QB (Released- Shot behind Barn)
Michael Turner RB (YEAH, SCREW YOU NORWOOD OWNERS!)

Baltimore Ravens
Mike Anderson RB (Released)
Musa Smith RB (UFA)

Buffalo Bills
Peerless Price WR (UFA- Fired into the core of the sun)
Anthony Thomas RB (Released)

Carolina Panthers
David Carr QB (UFA- Died via Linebacker)
Drew Carter WR (UFA- Is on really a WR if one does not receive?)
Keary Colbert WR (UFA- SEE ABOVE COMMENT)
DeShaun Foster RB (UFA- Well apparently signing people who's name starts with C sucked.)
Muhsin Muhammad WR (Taps Island, plays: Ancestral Recall)
Mike Wahle OG (Released)

Chicago Bears
Bernard Berrian WR (UFA- Ran away to a different type of shitty QB)
Marty Booker WR (Somehow managed to upgrade QBS!)
Brian Griese QB (Traded- Sent to QB stockpile yard)
Fred Miller OT (This actually makes them less shitty somehow)
Muhsin Muhammad WR (Released- MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE)

Cincinnati Bengals

Cleveland Browns
Donte' Stallworth WR (Javon Walker got WHAT?)

Dallas Cowboys
Julius Jones RB (UFA)

Denver Broncos
Keary Colbert WR (Idiots, you sign replaceable RB's not WR. SHANNAHANNNNNNNN *Shakes Fist*)
Jason Elam K (UFA- OLD)
Javon Walker Crazy Person (Released- DENVER, THE LAST DINOSAUR. HE'S MY FRIEND, AND A WHOLE LOT MORE)

Detroit Lions
Tantum Bell RB (UFA)
T.J. Duckett RB (UFA- Uhm, you guys might need a running back)

Green Bay Packers
Bubba Franks TE (UFA- Donald Lee owners rejoice!)
BRETT FAVRE QB (YOUNG QB'S LOVE THE SHIT OUTTA TE'S DONALD FUCKING LEE)
Vernand Morency RB (UFA-Bleh)

Houston Texans
Ron Dayne RB (UFA- NO MORE PLEASE)
Jeb Putzier TE (Released)

Indianapolis Colts
Aaron Moorehead WR (UFA- Only included because his name is Moorehead. Poor Craphonso Thorpe will be all alone with a stupid name on the team without him)
Jake Scott OG (UFA- Am a a system gaurd, or good?)

Jacksonville Jaguars
Cleo Lemon QB (OH SHIT, THE DIVISION IS YOURS NOW!)
Jerry Porter WR (THIS FIXES ALL OUR PROBLEMS!)
Ernest Wilford WR (UFA- Clutchy McClutcherson leaves)
Maurice Williams OT (UFA- WHO?)
Troy Williamson WR (Trade- More Psyduck Wideouts)

Kansas City Chiefs
Eddie Kennison WR (Released)
Samie Parker WR (UFA- Uh ohs)
Kyle Turley OT (UFA- ROID RAGE)

Miami Dolphins
Marty Booker WR (Released- Ted Ginn is the fucking #1. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?)
Jesse Chatman RB (UFA)
Trent Green QB (Released)
Cleo Lemon QB (UFA- Squished)
Josh McCown QB (Yeah, this is totally gonna help)
L.J. Shelton OT (Released- Well that didn't work out)
Justin Smiley OG (5YR 25M)
Ernest Wilford WR (Uhm, this and Ginn?)

Minnesota Vikings
Bernard Berrian WR (Best Vikings WR, lol.)
Maurice Hicks WR/KR (Returning kicks only, lost in a haze of depth charts)
Mewelde Moore RB (UFA-Missed his mommy)
Tony Richardson FB (UFA- Purple Jesus cannot be harmed by not having a fullback you silly bitch)
Troy Williamson WR (Trade- So that's 3 years of Williamson, 2 years of N. Harris, and a 6th round 2008 pick for Randy Moss. AWESOME-TASTIC)

New England Patriots
Kyle Brady TE (Released- OH GOD NOT A BLOCKING TE)
Ruben Brown WR (UFA- I suppose there is a joke here. Whatever)
Donte' Stallworth WR (Released- OUCH MY HAMSTRING)

New Orleans Saints
Jeff Faine OC (UFA- Went to a place with more hurricanes)
Eric Johnson TE (UFA)
Olindo Mare K (Released due to AIDS)

New York Giants
Derrick Ward RB (UFA)

New York Jets
Alan Faneca OG (5YR 40M)
Justin McCareins WR (Released)
Tony Richardson FB (SEEMS TO ME, THERE ARE SOME BLOCKERS HERE)
Damien Woody OG/T (5YR 25M)

Oakland Raiders
Daunte Culpepper QB (UFA- What's the level below Raiders?)
Kwame Harris RT (The Raiders have just paid the NFL an extra million dollars to cover the cost of replacement flags when the run out due to excessive holding calls)
Josh McCown QB (UFA)
Jerry Porter WR (UFA- Got the fuck out of Dodge)
Javon Walker WR (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK)

Philadelphia Eagles
Reno Mahe RB/KR (UFA- Enjoy your not fumbled punts)

Pittsburgh Steelers
Alan Faneca OG (UFA- Filled with rage, holding, ran away)
Mewelde Moore RB (I guess 3rd down back)
Max Starks OT (UFA- Making this line worse sounds like cold fusion)
Nate Washington WR (RFA- Hello injury WR team)

San Diego Chargers
Michael Turner RB (UFA- Welcome to Chargers get a 3rd round comp pick in 2009 land)

San Francisco 49ers
Larry Anderson G (UFA- Probably Retired)
Isaac Bruce WR (Wat?)
DeShaun Foster RB (Uhm...)
Kwame Harris JERK (GO AWAY)
Maurice Hicks RB/KR (UFA-Ahw flibbity)
Justin Smiley OG (UFA- Fair thee well)

Seattle Seahawks
Josh Brown K (UFA- Ran away)
T.J. Duckett RB (Vulture ahoy)
D.J. Hackett WR (UFA- ENJOY YOUR ENGRAM)
Marcus Pollard TE (UFA)
Jeb Putzier TE (WELL, WELL, WELL, MR. CRAZY TE PASSING SYSTEM)
Josh Scobey RB (UFA)
Mike Wahle OG (5YR 20M)
Floyd Womack OG (UFA)

St. Louis Rams
Jacob Bell LG (6YR 36M)
Josh Brown (DOME)
Isaac Bruce WR (UFA-You kids and your loud music)
Gus Frerotte QB (UFA- Scott Linehan abandons his pet dog)

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jeff Faine OC/G (6YR 36M)
Brian Griese QB (Trade- So it's like: Garcia, Griese, Simms, McCown, Gradkowski, Plummer)
Michael Pittman RB (UFA- It's like the Drew Bledsoe of running backs. Who else will you lose your job to?)

Tennessee Titans
Jacob Bell LG (UFA-Lost to the Rams)
Rob Bironas K (RFA, 8 FUCKING FGS???)
Chris Brown RB (UFA- Did you ever get the feeling that you are unappreciated?)
Alge Crumpler TE (TOO OBVIOUS)
David Givens WR (Vince needs weapons)
Eric Moulds WR (I SENSE NO PATTERN HERE)
Bo Scaife TE (UFA- Vince Young throws to himself now)
Ben Troupe TE (UFA- Serious consideration to the wishbone at this point)

Washington Redskins
Reche Caldwell WR (UFA- Uhm....)
Brandon Lloyd WR
Jason Fabini OG/T (UFA- What)

SUCKER MC'S:
Mike Anderson RB (DENVER JOKE GOES HERE)
Tatum Bell RB (DENVER JOKE GOES HERE)
Chris Brown RB (The stay puft marshmallow man took my job)
YOUR MOTHER RB (Rushed for 1000 Yards in Denver's O Line)
Reche Caldwell WR (EYE SEE)
David Carr QB (Appreciates your stadium's roof more than you)
Drew Carter WR (EXPLODES)
Jesse Chatman RB (Gonna take another year off between gigs again?)
Daunte Culpepper QB (Obvious solution is to wait 3 years for Moss to be a FA again)
Ron Dayne RB (WHY????)
Warrick Dunn RB
Jason Fabini OG/T
Bubba Franks TE (The U is very annoyed)
Gus Frerotte QB (Bang your head *into a wall*)
David Givens WR (Knee goes explode)
Trent Green QB (Scrambled Eggs)
D.J. Hackett WR (Holy shit, something decent on this list)
Joey Harrington QB (TOUCHE LIST, TOUCHE.)
Eric Johnson TE
Bryant Johnson WR (Take a gamble)
Julius Jones RB (This is the best left? *Snorts paint thinner*)
Eddie Kennison WR
Byron Leftwich QB
Brandon Lloyd Rap Artist (Phat mad flow)
Reno Mahe RB/KR (Fumbles)
Justin McCareins WR
Vernand Morency RB
Eric Moulds WR
Samie Parker WR
Michael Pittman RB (BRB Beating wife)
Marcus Pollard TE
Bo Scaife TE
Josh Scobey RB (Scoooooby Doo)
Jake Scott OG (System or skills?)
L.J. Shelton OT (Sign the Fatty)
Musa Smith RB
Max Starks OT (Possibly an Evil Bond villain)
Anthony Thomas RB (BILLS)
Ben Troupe TE
Kyle Turley OT (Don't taze me bro)
Derrick Ward RB (Hello high YPC)
Nate Washington WR
Maurice Williams OT (I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS MAN)
Floyd Womack OG (Nicknamed Pork Chop, this totally helps!)

Jerry Porter Scurvy -->Jags (6Y 30M)
Cleo Lemmon Dolphins --> Jags
Ernest Wilford Jags -->Dolphins
Javon Walker Broncos --> Trashcan