Coach Janky Spanky

Lions quest: 0-16

Many websites have already started on this lovely cause for celebration. I mean who does not want this AWESOME shirt.

Let us instead here go back to a manly man of manlyness. John McCay, coach of the 0-14 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He is now know by stupid young children as myself as a quote machine, so here are some of the best I can round up on these here intertubes:

USC:
"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."

Why is O.J. Simpson carrying the ball so much?
"Why not? It isn't very heavy. Besides, he doesn't belong to a union."

Asked if Notre Dame was the team he most liked to play:
"Well, it certainly wasn't Idaho."

On recruiting his son, John (J.K.):
"I had a rather distinct advantage. I slept with his mother."

One of the players had been receiving death threats during training camp. Upon being asked by a reporter if the threats were having an impact on the player's practice performance, McKay quipped, "Yeah, he seems to be running a little faster now."

Tampa Bay:

Asked about his team's execution after a defeat while coaching the Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
"I think it's a good idea."

"I really don't have a lot of answers for the offense. We just don't seem to have anybody fast and we don't seem to be able to block anybody."
- September 19, 1976 (Following a 23-0 lloss to Houston)

"They were absolutely horrible and that's the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad. These people are not poorly paid, you know."
- October 31, 1976 (After a 28-19 loss to Kansas City)

"We played a horse manure game."
- September 18, 1977 (Following a 13-3 lloss at Philadelphia)

"We couldn't score against a strong wind."
- November 6, 1977 (After a 10-0 loss too Los Angeles Rams)

"Our offensive line was horrible. Therefore our strategy was the same. I was betting some of our 6-6, 250 pound linemen would block somebody. That's what they get paid to do."
- November 27, 1977 (Following 17-0 losss to Atlanta)

"I thought it was the greatest victory in the history of the world."
- December 11, 1977 (After Bucs posted tthe team's first victory, 33-14 at New Orleans, after 26 straight defeats)

"I'm going to go home, take a shower and tell myself what a great coach I am. Fifteen more and we'll tie the record for most consecutive wins."
- December 18, 1977 (After Bucs won secoond straight game after 26 consecutive defeats)

"We stunk. We blocked bad, we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me, we ran on the field fairly well."
- November 25, 1979 (After 23-22 loss too Minnesota)

"It's not heavy."
- December 29, 1979 (When asked about Ricky Bell carrying the ball a playoff record 38 times)

"We set Monday Night Football back 2,000 years."
- October 6, 1980 (After the team lost iits first appearance on Monday Night Football)

"We almost got rigor mortis watching them move up and down the field."
-November 8, 1981 (After a 25-10 loss too Minnesota)

"We got another heart check and we got a gut check today. We had some funny plays out there. I believe I am oldest coach in this league. I was 29 when the season started."
- January 1, 1983 (After a 26-23 overtimme victory over Chicago)

"The defense played like a good National Football League team. The offense played like Piskey High School. That's in West Virginia, I don't know how to spell it. Here's how you yell it 'Piskey, Piskey.'"
- September 1, 1983 (After a 11-0 loss tto Detroit)

"Jerry's a nice kid. But so's my wife. And she's no quarterback."
- September 11, 1983 (Speaking of QB Jerrry Golsteyn after a 17-10 loss to Chicago)

"It will be good to go on the road. I think the fans have seen enough of us."
- October 23, 1983 (Following a 24-21 looss to the Saints)

"Based on today, none of our players are going to the Hall of Fame. But then again, neither am I."
- November 20, 1983 (After a 27-0 loss tto Chicago)

"Capece is kaput. There will be no more field goals kicked by the Bucs this year, no matter what the score is. I'm tired of being crucified."
- December 19, 1983 (After a poor perforrmance by place kicker Bill Capece in a 12-9 overtime loss to the Packers)


On the significance of experience: ``If you have everyone back from a team that lost 10 games, experience isn't too important.''

On fan mail he received as a Tampa Bay coach: ``It was about three-to-one that I was not an SOB. But there were a lot of ones.''

On why coaching an expansion team is a religious experience: ``You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is `No.' ''

On his disdain for the Packers: ``If a contest had 97 prizes, the 98th would be a trip to Green Bay.''

On opening days: ``Opening games make me nervous. To tell the truth, I'd rather open with our second game.''

On training camp: ``It's shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lose your desire to stand around and eat steaks, you lose everything.''

After his Tampa Bay team broke its 26-game losing streak:
"Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."

On how coaching an expansion team is a religious experience: "You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is 'no.' "

"If a contest had ninety-seven prizes, the ninety-eighth would be a trip to Green Bay."

On his team's blocking strategy: "Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road."

"Kickers are like horse manure. They're all over the place."

On an interception thrown by Steve DeBerg in 1984 that cost the Bucs a game against the Giants - "It was thrown to nobody. Well, it was thrown to somebody, Harry Carson. But he happened to be playing for the New York Giants at the time. It would have been a good pass if Harry had been playing for us."

After a particularly heavy loss - "The bus leaves in an hour - anyone who needs a shower, take one."

On losing a key game - "I told our players that there were 700 million Chinese people in the world who didn't even know the game was played. The next week, I got five letters from China asking "What happened?"

On hearing how Buc kicker Pete Rajecki was nervous about McKay watching him in the 1976 pre-season - "That's unfortuntate as I plan on attending all the games."

At a post-game press conference in 1976 "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas."

The following week after a media member has dropped off a case of bananas at his door - "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedez-Benz."



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