Coach Janky Spanky

Vick
12 to 18 months? Geeze, I'm totally fucked. I had everything...multimillion dollar contract...


Rookie
...53.8% lifetime passing herpes completion record...



Vick
...tons of Nike gear worn by millions of adoring fans...



Rookie
...lifetime supply of Valtrex...



Vick
...and having the skills to elecrtify...



Rookie
...and electrocute...



Vick
...everyone on and off the field. Is there anyone out there stupider than me right now?


Gore
HAI GUYS!!!!



Vick
...



Rookie
...



Vick
...



Gore
Coach seyd ta do sprints, so i called AT&T and changed my lawng disstence servis!


Vick
Hey Frank, how are you?



Gore
HAI GUYS!!!!!!



Vick
Here Frank, have a piece of candy.
/overthrows candy past Gore


Alge
/runs in from another room and snags the candy



Gore
Woa, ware did yoo come frum Alge?



Alge
Oh, I live here. Mike chains me downstairs and throws 5 yard bullet passes to me so I can get some exclusive practice. He tried it with Finneran, but Brian broke his own leg with that ESPY award over there.

Gore
/loses interest
LOOK A SQWIRREL!!!!!!!
/points and jumps up and down with glee at the squirrel

Rookie
Geeze, what the fuck is wrong with him?



Vick
/whispers to Rookie
Oh, he's just special, but we don't talk about it in front of him.


Gore
/grabs at the window trying to get through to the squirrel



Rookie
Does he....does he have someone who cares for him?



Vick
Ya, Alex Smith takes care of him during training camps and the rest of the season.


Alex
/walks in
Hey guys, thanks for looking after Frank while I was at Jazzersize class.


Alge
No problem Alex, we gave him a bottle of benadryl and he slept most of the day.


Alex
Hey Frank, look what I got!!!
/holds out football


Gore
/points and jumps after the football



Alex
Alright Frank, time to go home!
/hands football to Frank and leaves


Gore
/runs 794 miles home in 42 seconds



Rookie
WHAT THE FUCK!?!??!



Vick
Ya, he's a fucking machine.



Alge
Fuckin special olympics machine.



Lawyer
/walks in
Michael, it's time to go.


Vick
Shit, ok. Alge, I want you to have this while I'm gone.
/holds out compartment bottle


Alge
Um, thanks Mike.



Vick
/throws bottle 150mph at Alge standing four feet away



Alge
/is killed instantly



Vick
..........



Laywer
.........



Rookie
.........



Vick
Fuck!!! Can we just bury him in the yard or something??



Lawyer and Rookie



/in unison: "That's our Michael!!!"
/recorded sitcom laughter plays



Vick
/winks and smiles at everyone
Ain't I a rascal?

Real football 365

According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the the Minnesota Vikings are interested in Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner.

Tarvaris Jackson would still be the Vikings' starting quarterback. The 36-year-old Warner would be brought in to back up the pro sophomore. Even at this point in his career, Warner would be a much better option off the bench than Brooks Bollinger.

Hello children!

It's time for our little website to have a draft, with some of my co-workers. We both are participating in this fun, with the other 8 people of dubious fantasy expertise. I'll post my draft recap and some of our aim conversation so you can see the hilarious stupidity of it all.

Keep in mind all of us have worked for the Government, so it's borderline if any of us are sane anyways. The draft order is random, so we could have a hilarious first pick...

PsychoBilly: Carson Palmer is a good choice
IHateU: I think it'll be Larry Johnson and David will get pick 1

USA Today

"With him gone from the offense, I feel like I could be the face of the franchise," two-time Pro Bowl cornerback DeAngelo Hall says. "I can make enough plays to be the kind of player (Brian) Urlacher or Deion (Sanders) was. I think I can handle that type of burden."

IS ALWAYS OUTDATED

Can I haz plea bargain?

Inside Bay Area

– Running back LaMont Jordan practiced for the second consecutive day, running the ball effectively and catching everything that was thrown his way.

– RB Michael Bush said he hopes to be activated from the physically unable to perform list and said he has not been told he will be placed on injured reserve this season.

There are some within the organization who believe Bush will eventually be placed on injured reserve and won't play for the Raiders this season.

Unconested starter for 4 games? Yeah I'll have some of this Raiders fun!

Yahoo

BALTIMORE (Ticker) - Philadelphia Eagles running back Ryan Moats suffered a fractured left ankle in Monday's 29-3 preseason loss to the Baltimore Ravens and likely is done for the season.


He's only had a shot to make it if Westbrook did his hilarious Fred Taylor impression anyways.

*** Vick has joined the #Atlanta Falcons chatroom
[Vick] Hey guys whatsup?
*** PeterNooo sets mode +QB Vick
[@PeterNooo] Alright, good season everyone
[@Vick] Does anyone want these dogs?
***Vick attempts to pass dogs to Jenkins
***Vick has overthrown the dogs and hit a beer salesman
[Jenkins] Uhm, I’m in the black Jersey.
***Vick attempts to pass dogs to White
***White is drooling on himself, dogs bounce off helmet
[White] MY FIRST NAME IS RODDY, YEAAAAAAAH *drools*
***Vick attempts to pass dogs to JoeHorn
***JoeHorn has dropped dogs in third person
[JoeHorn]Joe Horn does not care about non Joe Horn passes, Rickey Henderson.
***Vick attempts to pass dogs to WhiteFinn
***WhiteFinn has been destroyed by a random Gamma Ray Burst
[WhiteFinn] Ahw fuck. Is that even possible, doesn’t that shit have to pass through the atmosphere?
[Vick Jr.] A/S/L? No over 16 plz.
***Vick attempts to pass dogs to Alge
***Alge has caught the dogs
[Alge] Why you Motherfucker…..
[SadJoey] Does any one want to hear me play Piano?
*** PeterNooo sets mode -QB Vick
*** PeterNooo sets mode +QB SadJoey
[@SadJoey] :)
***SadJoey has changed his username to StarterJoey
***Lassie sets mode +b Vick@*.*
***Vick has been kicked from #Atlanta Falcons by Lassie

Roto Wire

Update: Dunn returned to practice Monday, three weeks after undergoing back surgery, the Atlanta-Journal Constitution reports. Dunn practiced with the Falcons' second team, participating in all drills.

St Petersberg Times

With Mike Alstott
on injured reserve with his second neck injury since 2003, Pittman
started at fullback in Friday's 13-10 preseason victory against New
England. He could have company. Fourth-year player Earnest Graham and
B.J. Askew, who played four seasons with the Jets, will get some long
looks as well.

Poor PPR/Vulture Free Cadillac :(

So I can hang them on my wall

YAHOO

HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (AP) -- New York Jets running back Thomas Jones limped off the practice field after injuring his lower right leg Sunday.

Leonard Replaces Jackson.....LOLzz